pretentiousstream.html

march 25 2000
10:46 am

This thing I was taught to call Life is one unlikely ride. If I believe, then I must believe that I am a Spirit having a human experience. I think Spirits probably have it made; so why the hell would one choose to have a human experience? Spirits must lack something. Perhaps it's anchovies or friends or beer or grandchildren.

february 22 2000
03:46 pm

Today is February 22, fifty three days into the new year. One hundred twelve people have already died in their offices of the same cause: scurrying and falling face down while carrying their ballpoint pens in their mouths./////God, I love people!

february 12 2000
05:46 pm

>>Capoeira Software--Our mission is to make learning easier and more efficient through the use of computers. Our goal is to have students and educators throughout the world use FlashCards to learn and share knowledge. The goal of FlashCards Online is to provide a means for sharing cards using the global reach of the internet. http://www.flashcardsonline.com/ >> /////////////////////////////I downloaded their software and am at present informed that I have 20 days left in which to share all my knowledge with the world.

january 27 2000
11:49 am

Laughing at yourself is like laughing at no one else.///////////////////////////I'm beginning to annoy myself, now.

january 19 2000
12:45 pm

I love my times of solitude. It's the only time I get to sit around and agree with myself.

january 2 2000
10:10 PM

After accidentally observing my brain yesterday, I find a couple of things it hadn't fully informed me about. First, I see that as I grow older I get more opinionated. Second, I realize that everything I know is wrong. This leads me to the hope that my opinions are temporary.

Dec. 22
05:10 AM

The electronic world seems to be all abuzz over the next technology we are about to face. They love it! /////// It seems that soon we'll all be able to access our house via our cell phone -- no, I don't mean to pick up all those messages or some such -- but we'll be able to activate any appliance or light bulb, alarm system or even start the music playing on the dog's favorite radio station. This is unnerving enough for a dinosaur, but it ain't the kicker. ///////////// It seems that our appliances will be able to access us, via our cell phone, when something goes wrong. I am imagining standing at the counter of my local hardware store having a pleasant conversation about hammers when my phone rings. ////////////// "I'll get that," I say. It turns out to be my refrigerator calling, interrupting my pleasant hammer conversation, to tell me that while I'm out I might want to pick up a bulb or two for it. ////////// Questions: 1. Is it polite to hang up first if the refrigerator made the call? 2. If I "slam down the phone" (hard to do this satisfying action with a cell phone) will the appliance just call back? 3. What if I ignore it, will it spoil my meat out of revenge? /////// I don't even want to think about what my electric toothbrush might have to tell me. /////////// Every single labor-saving device in my home is going save me even more labor. Anyone got a horse for sale?

Dec. 18
09:10 AM

Though not an alarmist, I, like all of us, find myself, just before a predicted hurricane or blizzard, in a grocery store staring at the shelves. I have noticed this: when faced with mortality, the carefully acquired tastes and discriminations of a lifetime go right out the window as everyone scrambles for cans of Spam and Budweiser. ///// I am most definitely looking forward to the approaching Y2K, when once again instinct pulls me into a supermarket, and I can see, first hand, what culinary pleasures the End of the World will bring to our highly organized palates.

Dec. 14
08:41 AM

One day I woke up, stretched, showered, went into town and discovered to my surprise that Centigrade had become Celsius, caretaker had become careGIVER, and everybody was saying, "Cooba."_______I got to get out more.

Dec. 11
07:41 PM

From: Vishanti@/////...We're not going to have to do all of this "End of the Millennium" stuff again next year when the actual Millennium ends for real, are we?

october 22 2007
8:06 am

adam sandler looks more like bob dylan than bob dylan does.

Dec. 9
12:20 AM

We are plumeting towards that solstice when daylight is but the briefest of guests, an occasion when most religions have a celebration of light. Remember the Druids? Big time paganism, though it wasn't called paganism until some Believer came along and said it was paganism. On this, the darkest of days, the longest of nights, all the Druid guys would gather in the forest in their robes and hoods to burn something. First they would inform the villagers of their mission, then off they'd go with their matches. Once deep inside the woods, they would set a big tree on fire and yell something like, "O, Light, O, Light, return to mama." And the tree would blaze and crackle with anxious embers. Lo and behold, the days would then start getting longer-just as they did every year, and the villagers would rejoice and not kill the Druid guys for another year. Today we still burn trees, though not so often if the electricity has been recently inspected, and we keep them watered. The electric lights go up, the candles glow and, lo! The daylight returns just as it did in Druid times. And only those who don't care about the coming of the light continue to kill us. Although I hear that this year some people believe that the lights will go out forever.

Dec. 7
09:48 PM

It grew darker and I slept deeper. And then I slept deeper still. We were gathered, hundreds of us, in the stations of the NYC subway system. There was to be a test this night, a game of sorts. Soon we would all begin to divide ourselves into two groups, those that were the walking dead and those that were just pretending to be the walking dead. I was to be in the latter group and we had to be so good at it that those who were the walking dead would not know. You see, the walking dead had this habit of eating the living. In the warmth of my bed I slept deeply on.
I threaded my way through the subway system, stopping occasionally in the gloomy corners of the platforms, trying my best to appear as a true living dead person. I could see around me clutches of dead, huddled together, murmuring, and ripping up slices of Oscar Meyer bologna. The blue sparks from the third rail made the air smell electric as the trains screeched and shook and thundered past in a blur.
The goal was to somehow survive until morning while working my way ever upwards toward the coming morning light and the safety of the surface. I moved steadily, avoiding as much as possible, the swaying, reaching dead and the slabs of torn bologna spinning through the air.
I made it just as the sun shone its first ray, then rudely awoke with the disquieting feeling that my entire life had somehow been spent convincingly posing as a walking dead.

Dec. 6
02:33 AM

jonesart@ulster.net writes: I can choose to live my life, trusting, perhaps to a fault and risk occasionally getting ripped off, or to live in suspicion and paranoia until the time I die with the satisfaction that nobody ever "got me." __I choose the former. Jeffrey ___________________ GrandVal@/////writes: I take the third option...never get myself in a position where I HAVE to trust someone...always make it my OPTION to do so.... RGL ///////////// always, always, always, Well,RGL, I hope you never find yourself in the suburbs of Chicago, in July, with a 67 foot boa constrictor (recently having escaped from a circus truck that jack-knifed because of some flock of birdwatchers' vomit - a mass upheaval caused by the assassination of an eagle), wrapped securely around your neck when the trainer, a 102 year-old toothless, bald liar says, "trust me." it happens to me often, Jeffrey

Dec. 5
12:55:31 AM

"should, probably,never"...(quick thought)/I've come to the conclusion that, well, first I should probably never come to conclusions. But with that said, my conclusion is that everything in this world works, and if I want something bad enough, it will work. When I was nineteen, I could tell you what was wrong with everything--that's the job of a nineteen year old. But when I look for what I really want, I find that I'm confused by all the things that I have ever in my life wanted. It is my nature to cling to that which has been good to me long after it's not--only I don't know it's not. So… what?

06:25 pm / As a child, the events in my life wore either a black hat or a white one. Good God! I'm still a child.

Dec. 4
06:31 AM

Two years ago I didn't know how tho turn a computer off (or on, for that matter). Now I am the master (monster) of GIG, as in "the gig's up"--though that wasn't the exact word that was used when I was growing up in Georgia. I only mention Georgia in the hopes that I can make more friends. You never know, someone is bound to write to me saying, "Hey, I grew up in Georgia, too. Do you know John Smith"? I digress.

Dec. 3
08:10 AM

I'm watching the live video stream on my site this morning and something occurs to me. Now that all you voyeurs have found it, I can see that there are almost always 10 connections--the limit on this freeware. If anyone tries to access it, including me, while it's completely ocupado, they will get a broken image on that cute little TV set that appears up on their screen. Ah, but I, and only I, have the power. I liken this very much to a control practice I had while living in Manhattan. In the middle of night I would sneak, godlike, to the kitchen, turn on the overhead light and watch the hordes of cockroaches flee from the sink. With my video software I can do the same and have the same satisfying omnipotent feeling. When I decide "all right, that's enough" I just turn off my program, then open it up again and all you are gone. Zero connections. Imagine the high when I get the pro version installed and can rule the lives of 200 instead of just 10.

Dec. 2
10:04 AM

I thought about having some cartoon character of mine say all this stuff (blame it on peezel meeps), so it sounds smart instead of pretentious--I may yet. Of course we all know that the best scapegoat is one that you make up.

You know, one of the wonderful things about having a website is instead of people saying, "Oh, your book is published by a vanity press." They say (even though I'm still paying for everything), "Wow, your own website. You must be really smart."

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march 25 2000 10:46 am	This thing I was taught to call Life is one unlikely ride. If I believe, then I must believe that I am a Spirit having a human experience. I think Spirits probably have it made; so why the hell would one choose to have a human experience? Spirits must lack something. Perhaps it's anchovies or friends or beer or grandchildren.
february 22 2000 03:46 pm	Today is February 22, fifty three days into the new year. One hundred twelve people have already died in their offices of the same cause: scurrying and falling face down while carrying their ballpoint pens in their mouths./////God, I love people!
february 12 2000 05:46 pm	>>Capoeira Software--Our mission is to make learning easier and more efficient through the use of computers. Our goal is to have students and educators throughout the world use FlashCards to learn and share knowledge. The goal of FlashCards Online is to provide a means for sharing cards using the global reach of the internet. http://www.flashcardsonline.com/ >> /////////////////////////////I downloaded their software and am at present informed that I have 20 days left in which to share all my knowledge with the world.
january 27 2000 11:49 am	Laughing at yourself is like laughing at no one else.///////////////////////////I'm beginning to annoy myself, now.
january 19 2000 12:45 pm	I love my times of solitude. It's the only time I get to sit around and agree with myself.
january 2 2000 10:10 PM	After accidentally observing my brain yesterday, I find a couple of things it hadn't fully informed me about. First, I see that as I grow older I get more opinionated. Second, I realize that everything I know is wrong. This leads me to the hope that my opinions are temporary.
Dec. 22 05:10 AM	The electronic world seems to be all abuzz over the next technology we are about to face. They love it! /////// It seems that soon we'll all be able to access our house via our cell phone -- no, I don't mean to pick up all those messages or some such -- but we'll be able to activate any appliance or light bulb, alarm system or even start the music playing on the dog's favorite radio station. This is unnerving enough for a dinosaur, but it ain't the kicker. ///////////// It seems that our appliances will be able to access us, via our cell phone, when something goes wrong. I am imagining standing at the counter of my local hardware store having a pleasant conversation about hammers when my phone rings. ////////////// "I'll get that," I say. It turns out to be my refrigerator calling, interrupting my pleasant hammer conversation, to tell me that while I'm out I might want to pick up a bulb or two for it. ////////// Questions: 1. Is it polite to hang up first if the refrigerator made the call? 2. If I "slam down the phone" (hard to do this satisfying action with a cell phone) will the appliance just call back? 3. What if I ignore it, will it spoil my meat out of revenge? /////// I don't even want to think about what my electric toothbrush might have to tell me. /////////// Every single labor-saving device in my home is going save me even more labor. Anyone got a horse for sale?
Dec. 18 09:10 AM	Though not an alarmist, I, like all of us, find myself, just before a predicted hurricane or blizzard, in a grocery store staring at the shelves. I have noticed this: when faced with mortality, the carefully acquired tastes and discriminations of a lifetime go right out the window as everyone scrambles for cans of Spam and Budweiser. ///// I am most definitely looking forward to the approaching Y2K, when once again instinct pulls me into a supermarket, and I can see, first hand, what culinary pleasures the End of the World will bring to our highly organized palates.
Dec. 14 08:41 AM	One day I woke up, stretched, showered, went into town and discovered to my surprise that Centigrade had become Celsius, caretaker had become careGIVER, and everybody was saying, "Cooba."_______I got to get out more.
Dec. 11 07:41 PM	From: Vishanti@/////...We're not going to have to do all of this "End of the Millennium" stuff again next year when the actual Millennium ends for real, are we?